


Rescheduling the Apocalypse

by ContraryIzybel



Category: Hellboy (Movies), Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Crossover, Crossover Pairing, M/M, Slaughtering canon, Time and Space Travel, pet monster
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-12
Updated: 2014-01-26
Packaged: 2017-12-23 05:38:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/922639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ContraryIzybel/pseuds/ContraryIzybel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Recreating the breach wasn't a horrible idea, no matter what Hermann said. Besides, what's the worst that could happen? Ending up in an alternate dimension with supernatural elements and a giant red demon with personal space issues. That's the worst that could happen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My love for Hannibal Chau/Newton Geiszler is evolving to included other characters by the same actors.! Though no, I don't think I'll be writing any Hannibal Chau/Charlie Kelly. Early warning, while this is using the movie timeline (setting for the first chapter will be between the first and second movie) it will be using the comic relationship between Hellboy and Liz. Which is to say they're friends. Cause Liz is awesome and Hellboy is lucky to have her as a friend. Damn right. Ignoring Hellboy and Liz's relationship most of this will be movie canon, almost entirely because it's easier for quick referencing. And also because the whole point is the Ron Perlman goodness of it all. 
> 
> Original prompt here: http://pacificrimkink.livejournal.com/350.html?thread=744286#t744286
> 
> Also a million thanks to Xenjn for her reading over and editing the first chapter, and for helping to come up with an amazing title. She's the absolute best.

“Do you remember how I declared you a raving lunatic when you decided to try Drifting with a Kaiju?” 

“Um, yeah? I wanted to make it into a ringtone but you talk way too fast.” 

“This? This is far worse than that.” 

With the most dignified grunt he could manage Newt pulled himself out from under the device which he had named “The Ass Kicker.” It was a temporary name but the more he repeated it the more he liked it. Made the whole thing seem more than a giant waste of time and energy. Which it wouldn’t be once he figure out how to control the energy spike without losing power to the whole lab. 

But instead of getting help from his lab partner/would be co-pilot if he got over his motion sickness, he was just getting sass. 

“You’re making a huge mistake and if the Marshall finds out about this he’ll have your neck! Oh, and mine I suppose. How could I let you talk me into this madness?” Hermann had started pacing almost ten minutes ago and despite his bad leg he was managing a brisk pace. Newt would have been impressed if he hadn’t been busy tightening the screws that had not in any way been stolen from the Jaeger mechanics. 

“Last time we had this conversation I ended up saving the world so maybe a little more faith in me, kay buddy?” He shimmied a little further under the device, wondering not for the first time what had possessed him to attach the main power line under the heaviest part of the base. “Besides, it’s not as bad as you’re making it out to be. I’m not trying to recreate the breach. That’d be completely irresponsible.”

He couldn’t see Hermann but he could guess which expression of disgust he was wearing. Probably the ‘My partner’s so brilliant and here I am stuck on numbers I’ll just pout’ expression. It was one of Newt’s personal favorites. 

Pulling out from under the Ass Kicker, name pending, he grinned wildly at Hermann. “Just a recreation of the breach. Small scale atomic portal from here to across the room. Just a small fold in time and space and totally safe.” 

“’Totally safe’ he says.” Hermann groaned, finally slowing his frantic pacing to double check the system he’d help create. Although any help had been done under duress, which would be his defense if Newt finally managed to kill himself. 

The device gave off a few dramatic sparks. Which had to be a good sign as far as Newt was concerned. 

“And what if something goes wrong, Newton? What if you end up on the other side of the bloody world, or the bloody world the Kaiju originated from? What then, Newton?” 

“Well, if I end up on the other side of the world, or hell even the Kaiju world, we’ll get a chance to test our long distance plan.” His cheery grin and manic laugh probably wasn’t helping matters but the whole situation was just too exciting. “C’mon, Hermann. One little test and you can tattle to Marshall Hansen.” 

Hermann reached out towards Newt’s back, before quickly pulling his hand back. “It’s a horrible idea.” 

“And those are my best ideas.” And with one last wild grin he turned the device on. 

Just across the lab. Simple, quick and totally safe. 

He had never claimed to have a perfect record with these things. 

The breach was beautiful, in the same way Kaiju were beautiful. Horrifying and haunting, like the vastness of space or the depths of the ocean. Something bigger and more powerful than he would ever be. But even with Hermann growling in the background and his hands shaking by his sides he knew it was time to face the horror he had created. 

Before he could talk himself out of it he stepped into the miniature breach. Everything turned dark though he couldn’t manage to keep his eyes open for more than a second. Something heavy was pushing down around him, even as his body felt weightless. There was no sound but a single furious roar in the distance. And as his lungs began to burn, Newt managed one last clear thought. 

“Well, fuck.”

\--

The call came from Hong Kong nearly twenty hours before. Something spooky had been roaming the docks, not picking off the locals yet but still making plenty of them nervous. How long until missing street dogs turned into missing tourists?

Really any excuse for a holiday. 

“Cause there’s no damn jeep sized monster here. So let’s cut out early and get some beer. China has great beer.” 

“Focus on the mission.” 

“Mission, mission. No one here knows how to have fun.” In the dark of the abandoned docks a light flares to life, illuminating the surrounding area and more importantly lighting a cigar. No movement besides the water lapping against boats. No sound besides the distant rumble of cars. 

In fact not a single sound came from the dock proper. No night scavengers hunting through the shadows, no timid rat searching for food, and not even the song of insects in the warm summer night. 

“Aw shit.” 

And that was the last Hellboy managed before being tackled to the sturdy boards of the dock. 

The beast was massive, closer to a van than a jeep, and not at all pleased to see him. He managed one look at the six eyes, all a strange glowing blue in the darkness, and an ugly maw which roared into his face, flinging blue spit onto him. A harsh smell followed the roar gagged him instantly, making tears sting his eyes and causing him to choke on the smoke from his cigar. Heavy paws smashed into his chest, causing the wooden dock to groan in protest, pounding angrily but not using any of its thick claws. 

“Did you find the creature, Red?” Liz voice wafted from his belt, sounding equal parts smug and amused. He’d have to introduce her to Ugly later. 

The monster looming over him roared again at the noise, rearing up and smacking its head against his own, unbothered by the stubs of his grounded down horns. His own head slammed back into the wood, cracking and causing splinters to catch in his hair. Before he could respond it smashed its paw into his nose, possibly breaking the thing. The whole assault took seconds, barely enough time to twitch let alone defend. 

“God damn.” Hellboy growled, catching the paw the next time it approached him. It took both hands to twisted the paw away, and all of his strength to throw the beast across the dock. It caught itself easily, roaring and growling and trying to puff itself up. 

“Nice try.” Running at the monster Hellboy was caught suddenly by a pressure against his back, the beast’s tail throwing him into the ocean’s water. When he emerged, bitterly cold from the fall, he caught sight of a tail disappearing from view. “Rude.” 

It took some time to pull himself out of the water, less time to realize how lucky he was that his communicator was water proof. Even as he was shaking himself off Liz was giving him directions to follow the monster. 

“Red, there’s something wrong with this.” Abe’s voice cut over Liz’s. He had been quiet for most of the hunt, the sound of pages rustling being his only contribution to the hunt. “I think you’re threatening her nest.” 

“Her?” 

“Well, yes. Whatever it is, and I’m not even sure what she is at that, she’s been protecting rather than attacking. You were a threat because you were too close.” 

Hellboy still ran after the creature, knowing he would have to deal with it even if it was just an over protective mom. “So what do you want me to do?” 

“Better make sure it doesn’t have eggs.” Liz muttered over the communicator, probably lost in memory of their encounter with the hellhounds and their nest. 

“On it.” He groaned, dropping after the thing into a sewer. 

He had to give the beast credit, she knew where to keep a nest. The whole of the sewer was blocked off with heavy metal grates, save a torn hole she must have made. Following her wake in the sewer water was easy, though disgusting. 

And finally she stopped, just on the edge of a mess of dead leaves and rotting newspaper that reminded Hellboy of a bird’s nest. 

A heavy rumble came from the creature as she unhinged her jaw, reminding Hellboy of a snake, or at least a gorilla imitating a snake. Which was officially something he never wanted to see again. A gurgling noise followed and soon the beast was spitting up something far too large to be leftovers from dinner. 

“Aw damn.” Hellboy groaned into the communicator. “I think she has been eating tourists.” 

Although the poor dead tourist didn’t look as eaten, or as dead, as he had assumed. In fact the poor slime covered bastard seemed alive. 

“OH MY GOD NEVER DO THAT AGAIN.” 

Damn, really alive. 

The kid began twitching, flinging the blue slime around the makeshift nest while the lumbering monster sat back on her haunches and watched. Hellboy mirrored the pose after it became apparent the kid wouldn’t be stopping any time soon. 

“Oh that’s literally the most disgusting thing in the world I am so mad at you right now you have no idea!” The kid yelled while the monster drooped its head, looking like a dog who’d been caught pissing on the carpet. And the kid proved almost immediately that he had no survival skills as he held his arms open allowing the beast to curl up against him. “I’m not forgiving you because you’re cute. I’m forgiving you because you probably saved my life. Even if it was disgusting.” 

The creature began purring, actually purring, and the noise seemed to make the whole of the sewer rumble. The kid just laughed, like it was his goddamn pet or something. 

“Oh my god, is that your pet?” 

Both heads whipped towards him, big brown eyes and six eerie blue eyes widening at his appearance into their nest. 

“Shit, that was out loud.” 

“What…what the hell are you?” The kid gasped before jumping up. “Oh jeez, am I still in the Kaiju dimension?” 

Big and ugly had started growling as soon as the kid began to babble, reminding Hellboy of just how heavy her paws had been. “You’re in Hong Kong. Under it, actually. Now, mind telling me what that thing is and why it spit you up?”

“Sorry, sorry. Dr. Newton Geiszler. You can call me Newt. Everyone does.” He held out his hand before pulling it back, seeming to only just notice how it was covered in slime. He took a moment to rub it against his equally disgusting shirt, which may have once been white. “And this is Little Lady.” 

“Little?” 

“Well, for a Kaiju she’s tiny. Aren’t you? Aren’t you?” Newt actually rubbed his nose against her chin, which may have been the closest part of her he could reach. “Smaller than even a Category 1. Amazing. Shit, that reminds me, I’ll have to show you to Herc. He’ll kill me if I don’t.” 

The kid began spinning in circles, as though looking for something, before meeting Hellboy’s eyes. “Sorry, what are you? Or, er, who are you? Which is less offensive?” 

“Name’s Hellboy.” He answered, a little shocked when the kid didn’t react. Then again maybe the blurry pictures of him hadn’t been making it out to Hong Kong. 

“Your parents must not have liked you.” He muttered before shrugging. “Then again mine named me Newton so you do what you can.” 

Little Lady had pulled back from her human, prowling around the edge of her nest and occasionally flicking her tongue at him. The good doctor seemed more concerned with fixing his utterly ruined shirt than keeping an eye on her and while he’d love to take that as a hint that she may secretly be friendly he had bruises forming on his ribs to prove otherwise. One rotation brought her right behind Hellboy, her arm brushing deliberately against his back. Liz’s voice sounded at his hip but he couldn’t hear the words over the heavy panting next to his ear. 

Almost gently Little Lady extended her tongue, brushing against his massive right hand. She pressed her nose after the trail of bubbling saliva. Whatever she was looking for, whatever test she was giving him, he must have passed as a moment later she pulled back and stalked after Newt. 

Newt, who had been babbling the whole time without any regard to his horrifying, giant pet and her sudden investigation of the biggest threat to her territory. Newt, who hadn’t so much as reacted to the bright red giant standing nearby. Newt, who had been talking to him for a few minutes without pause for air. 

“So that is why I need a ride to the Shatterdome. Think you can help a dude out?” Even through the gunk on his glasses he still managed an impressive wide eyed expression. 

“The Shatter-what?” 

The kid and the monster tilted their heads to the side, both looking strangely like an overgrown puppy, though one was more overgrown than the other. “The Hong Kong Shatterdome? Sponsored by the PPDC? Under the control of Marshall Herc Hansen?” 

Hellboy shook his head. “Nope. Never heard of it.” 

Newt stared at Hellboy, turned to stare at Little Lady, and turned back to Hellboy. “Where were you on K-Day?” 

He had to fight the urge to rub his forehead, if only because it did nothing to help with a developing headache. “Never heard of it.” 

In half a second the kid was right up next to him, standing on the tip of his toes to met Hellboy’s eyes. Even then he had to look up just slightly. The smell up close was disgusting but Hellboy gave Newt the benefit of the doubt that it was probably from his time in a monster’s belly than anything else. 

No one reeked that bad without outside intervention. 

“What. Year. Is it?” 

“The year two thousand and six of our lord.” Hellboy shot back, making sure the words dripped with sarcasm. “Why? What year should it be?

“2026.” Dr. Newton Geiszler said with no trace of humor. 

“Well,” Hellboy chuckled as he thumbed on his communicator. “looks like tonight just got interesting.” 

\--

Out of all of them Dr. Geiszler seemed to be taking the situation the best. His pet monster may have been slightly calmer, but if so it was only because she didn’t understand the importance of time travel. She’d been surprisingly well behaved since the joined up with the rest of Hellboy’s little team in the abandoned warehouse they'd been using as a temporary base, still pacing and hissing but mostly at Abe. She had only growled once at Liz, getting a face full fire for her efforts. 

Strangely enough it only seemed to make the damn thing like her. 

While she circled the little group Newt, who had accepted a towel, a handful of chalk, and nothing else, had started writing out a series of complex formulas on the concrete. Between soft muttering he had introduced himself and told off Lady when she started sniffing at Hellboy’s boots. 

“He’s a time traveler?” Abe whispered to Hellboy when it was obvious Newt wouldn’t be saying much more until he finished his formulas. 

“Actually I don’t think I am.” Newt said suddenly, jumping up in a surprisingly fluid move. “I think this is a different dimension.” 

Liz leaned forward from where she’d been lounging against their van, head cocked to the side as though trying to read his writing. “But if it’s just a different dimension shouldn’t it be the same year?” 

“Excellent question!” 

She actually preened like a teen in class. 

With a skip over a few strange drawings that may have just been doodles, he settled next to a series of numbers and letters. He began pointing with his foot, hopping awkwardly as he spoke. “We can easily assume that we’re not from the same dimension because of the deviant elements, represented here by this crude doodle of Hellboy and Abe. Because no such element exist or ever existed in my dimension, henceforth referred to as dimension N, we can safely say that this dimension, let’s call it dimension M has access to the mystical elements my own is lacking. Mystical elements that could have deviated the time line thus putting us twenty years apart!” 

Hellboy caught himself before rolling his eyes. But it was a close call. “What do you mean I don’t exist?” 

“Cause you don’t? The PPDC has files on pretty much everything top secret. If there’s government files on you I would have stumbled on them during drunk hacking night.” 

“Reassuring that you were responsible for protecting the world.” Abe said with only a trace amount of sarcasm. 

“Hey, I was just hired to study the Kaiju.” He reached out absentmindedly to pet Lady who ran from where she’d been nudging the van to his side. As he poked at the concrete with the toe of his shoe he stroked under Lady’s chin, muttering and grumbling. “Gotta be a different universe. Maybe going through the Anteverse messed up the path.” 

Liz and Abe turned to Hellboy, as though expecting an explanation, but he was busy staring at the scientist. “So, can you get back?” 

Newt and Lady whipped their heads up in sync. “It took almost a year to build the first device. Now I’m in a world where I don’t even have a social security number. Are you offering me a lab and place to stay cause otherwise we’ll be looking for a circus to join.” 

“You can stay with me.” Hellboy said. “Us. You can stay with us.” 

He ignored the looks he was certainly getting from the others. He was use to ignoring them when it suited him. Which was most of the time. But Newt seemed pleased with the offer, and even Lady had started wagging her tail, running the risk of smacking into something or someone. 

“That’d be great! I mean, if you have enough lawn space for Lady here, cause I’m not leaving her to play around in the ocean.” A weak growl came from behind him. “No, no, no, you’ll get tangled in a fishing net within a week.” 

“Fascinating. Can you speak to one another?” Abe asked, moving closer to Lady who growled as soon as he took a step. 

Newt shrugged, but didn’t answer, instead dropping down to adjust some of his formulas. “I’ll need to take pictures of these. Once the adrenaline wears off I’ll forget everything.” 

Liz produced a camera from the van and together they took detailed pictures of Newt’s scribbles. While the worked Hellboy slid next to Lady, nudging her with his boot. 

“Can you understand us?” 

She just growled softly. He took it as a yes. 

“Sorry for punching you earlier.” 

She growled again, shaking herself much like a wet dog would. 

“Try not to run off in public or anything. They’ll make me hunt you down.” 

The Kaiju turned all of her eyes towards him and if she had eyebrows he imagined they would be raised. 

“I’m not saying I could drop you easily, but I could drop you.” 

Lady huffed. 

“I could. But let’s not test it, alright?” 

Ahead of them Newt had started tilting dangerously to one side, fatigue finally catching up to him. Luckily Abe and Liz had taken pictures of all of his formulas and they were officially ready to go. With the addition of Lady there was almost no room for Hellboy to join them in the back of their van. He was already opening his mouth to invite the new doctor to join him in the second car Liz had called for, but Newt had already curled up under her arm and fallen asleep in seconds.

The sight of the scrawny scientist nuzzled against a monster should not have been cute. And it wasn’t. At least that’s what he’d end up saying if anyone asked. 

“He seems nice.” Abe said as he took a few backup photos of the chalk drawings, having opted to wait with Hellboy for the second car. “And it will be nice to have a few new faces around the Bureau.” 

Hellboy snorted, though his eyes didn’t pull away from the retreating van until it vanished around a corner. 

“He didn’t seem to care what we looked like either.” 

“He’s got a giant lizard-dog for a pet. Why should he care how ugly we are?” 

Abe waved him off, already caught up in some of the numbers littering the concrete. 

“A year.” Hellboy muttered, mostly to himself. “He’ll be out of here in a year.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I probably spent more time deciding if I should add Myers to the cast than actually writing this chapter. Logic dictates if I'm using the film as a reference, but Hellboy and Liz aren't together, Hellboy would be a complete dick and let Myers stay around to be repeatedly rejected cause Liz don't play that. So here's hoping I made the right casting choice. 
> 
> Thank you for all the wonderful comments and kudos! Y'all make me feel better about doomed crossover pairings and my love of them. A kiss to all of you, unless you don't want one in which case I respect your boundaries. Also thank you again to Xenjn for ripping this chapter apart so I could put it together in a less horrible way.

His day was not going well. It wasn’t just the infestation of worms with teeth. Though there was certainly that. It wasn’t Little Lady who, firstly, did not live up to her name and secondly had discovered how to play the game tag. It wasn’t even Abe who’d been babbling endlessly about ancient scrolls discovered in a long dead king’s long sealed tomb. Endlessly as in he had still been talking while Hellboy walked away from him. 

But no, it was Liz who really ruined his day.

Because when Hellboy finally made it back to his room Liz was standing there with a smirk on her face and his cats gathered around her feet. Never a good sign. 

“What’dya want?” He growled, already lost in thoughts of a cigar and some bad tv before bed. 

His was truly the life of a king. 

“Why do you sound so suspicious?” She asked, obviously in one of her playful moods. But Liz was playful like a cat that had caught a mouse, and this time it looked like he might be that mouse. “Don’t you like getting updates about what’s going on around here?” 

“What kind of updates?” 

“The kind of update that includes the arrival of a plane from Antarctica.” 

He stopped dead. “No.” 

“It arrived about thirty minutes ago. So taking into consideration how long it takes to debrief Manning and get decontaminated, I’d say our own Dr. Newton will be getting a visitor any minute.” 

He really needed to tell her that the smug look was not appealing. But later. When he wasn’t running down the halls like a category zero kaiju was on his tail. Which, giving that he was running she would be in just a few minutes. 

Lady loved a moving target. 

Dr. Newton Geiszler’s living quarters were technically in the same wing of the bureau as Hellboy’s and Liz’s. But within the first week of his arrival to the facilities he had managed to drag a beat up leather couch he’d found on the internet into his lab, along with a microwave that never flashed the right time. And, once he’d received his first paycheck he had sewn seven large dog cushions together for Lady, probably in an attempt to keep her off that couch which was not meant to support that kind of weight. Afterwards it was rare to see either of them out of the lab for anything besides food shopping, and since Lady was still forbidden from leaving the bureau unless of emergencies, she would be stuck sitting at the heavy metal doors and whining. 

The lab, which had only two years before been a sterile work environment, was now halfway between a college nerd’s dorm room and a college nerd’s ideal bachelor pad. Almost immediately Newt had started filling the lab with any piece of technology he could get his hands on, even if it was unrelated to his field. Anymore it was just as likely to see him building scale model cartoon robots that could move on their own as it was to see him trying to rebuild the breach gate with a car battery and an aquarium. The walls were covered in posters, some for bands no one had heard of but who Newt promised would get big provided no horrible monsters emerged from the ocean. 

And while it was normal to see Newt sprawled on his couch with his laptop propped on his stomach while he pretended he was working, it was not normal to see him doing that while a wet haired agent stood awkwardly beside him. 

“Lemme just finish this equation and then I want to hear all about Antarctica. Did you bring back those samples I asked you about?” 

Agent Myers was blushing, actually blushing, while Newt babbled on. When he finally finished with his laptop Myers even took the open cushion next to Newt, sitting far closer than strictly necessary. He did the whole neighbor next door thing so well it was almost suspicious. Though according to Liz it was only suspicious to Hellboy.

“It was surprisingly beautiful there.” Myers said as he fussed with his still wet hair. “I mean most of it was snow. A lot of snow. But it was still nice.” 

“Cool, cool. Oh man, your scientists must have gotten so much data. I’ll need to talk with Dr. Holiday when he’s done decontaminating.” Newt glanced casually at his watch before laughing. “Dude, you must have rushed through that decontamination process if you just got back.” 

Hellboy leaned on the doorway to the lab, feeling the angry huff of hot air on his neck that meant Lady was standing right behind him. For a lumbering monster she could be surprisingly light on her paws. 

“Gross, ain’t it?” 

She snorted, probably sending goo onto his back. He didn’t care. Lady and him had an understanding. 

“Oh, hey Red!” Newt cried, waving one of his tattooed arms towards them. “You gonna come welcome Myers home?” 

“You know, you can call me John.” 

“There are like three other Johns here.” Newt dismissed with a wave of his hand. “Myers sets you apart. Seriously Red come say hi.” 

Hellboy lit one of his cigars, deliberately taking his time before grunting at Myers. “Thought you liked the cold.” 

Lady, who had obviously had more than enough of someone encroaching on her human, pushed past Hellboy and all but threw Myers to the side so she could nuzzle up to Newt. The scientist took it in good humor, scratching her behind the smallest of her eyes and kissing her on the nose. 

It wasn’t cute. It wasn’t fucking cute. 

Oh who was he kidding, it was adorable. 

Myers may not have agreed if his grimace was any indication. His loss. 

“C’mon, Newt. I found a new sewer we can walk Lady in. Surprisingly clean too.” 

“Aw sorry dude, but Myers got some samples from Antarctica that I want to investigate. Do you want to take her?” 

Lady growled, her ears flattening against her skull in a manner Hellboy had started associating with hard walls and being thrown into said walls. But Newt was immune to pouting monsters. At least he said it was a pout. Hellboy was less inclined to agree. 

“C’mon, Lady. Better give the kids some space so they can talk science.” He made sure to sneer at the last word, earning an irritated huff from the good doctor. 

Myers, however, perked up. “Actually the scientists with us said they may have found some new figures that may help you with your gate.” 

“What?” Hellboy and Newt gasped in time. While Hellboy gaped stupidly Newt pressed forward. 

“That’s great! I’ve been totally stuck on the last few equations. Hermann won’t let me live it down how bad my math can be.” And like that Newt was back to being nose deep in his laptop, clicking away and hunting for the research that was sure to be on their servers. “I think I got the power thing figured out. At least as well as I’m going to manage without access to Jaeger-tech.” 

Myers perked up as he always did with the Jaegers were mentioned. He’d been far too interested in the idea when Newt had first explained it to him over take out sushi and a bottle of German beer that Newt claimed no longer existed in the future. Of course Hellboy was in no condition to judge as he’d left the conversation imagining names for his nonexistent giant robot. At least he was cool enough not to tell anyone about it. Or about his ponderings over who would be his co-pilot. 

Luckily for Hellboy Newt had already refocused his energy on frantic typing and thoughtful humming, leaving his guests in awkward silence. 

Hellboy could deal with that. “So, Myers. You just flew through decontamination. Sure you didn’t miss anything? Bet they could run you through a second time.” 

“Thank you but I got full clearance. I’m fine.” 

“So don’t you have something else to do? Something else to do somewhere else?” 

Myers glared at him, softening when Newt looked up from his laptop to frown at them. “Genius at work here. A little space maybe?” 

They both huffed, though Hellboy was pleased to note that his huff was a gruff sound boarding on a growl while Myers sounded like a pissy teenager, and took off in different directions while doing their best to make sure neither noticed the glances they sent back towards the lab or towards the massive creature who’d taken up residence at the door. Myers must have looked back at least a few times if the series of growls from the impromptu guard was an indication. 

Lady may dislike everyone who wasn’t Newt, but at least Myers was the highest on her list of annoyances. 

When Hellboy returned to his room Liz was still lounging lazily on his bed, surrounded by his growing army of cats. A few defected to curl around his legs but most stayed with Liz, the little traitors. He said as much earning a dark look and a burst of fire to his forehead. 

“Keep flirting.” Hellboy said, settling on the corner of his bed not occupied by Liz and the cats. 

“It’s cute when you come crawling back with your tail between your legs.” 

He glanced at his tail which was not between his legs so much as twitching angrily. “Did not. Do not. Shut up.” 

“Poor baby.” Liz rolled onto her stomach, watching Hellboy’s back like it was a particularly interesting soap opera. “This whole song and dance? It’s getting boring. Just ask him out.” 

“You’re still my favorite meddler. Never forget that.” 

“I could be someone else’s fairy godmother, if you’d like.” She wiggled her fingers, flames flickering next to his ear. 

“Traitor.” He chuckled. 

Before they could devolve into playful teasing, and later serious fighting, the heavy door opened to admit a purple faced Thomas Manning and a blue faced Abe, though one was more normal that the other. Manning cut off from his hissing at Abe to begin yelling, and it was easy to guess who his target was. 

“An autograph? An autograph?! “ 

Hellboy looked to Abe for an explanation earning just a shrug. “If you really want one, I guess…”

“You let someone take a picture of you and you gave them an autograph!” 

“Oh. Yeah.” Hellboy tried to school his expression into something resembling guilt but gave up after just a few seconds. “That’ll be worth a lot of money someday.” 

“It shouldn’t be worth anything because no one should know about you!” 

As Hellboy began puffing up, ready for another argument, Liz and Abe took it as a sign that they were free to leave. And quickly. But before either made it to the door the alarms began sounding, filling the room with flashes of red and repetitive drones. 

Hellboy took it for the sign from Heaven that it was, slipping by Manning with ease and ignoring his babbling as Liz and Abe scurried ahead. In the time it took for them to make it to the trucks Lady was already waiting, and it took a little looking before Hellboy found Newt sitting on her back, still typing furiously at his laptop. 

“Got yourself a parasite.” Hellboy chuckled, getting a smack to the back of the head from Lady’s heavy tail for his teasing. Newt liked to claim Lady was like a dog, recognizing words and the occasional phrase but mostly just understanding the emotion behind whatever was being said. Hellboy thought that was bullshit. She caught onto his sarcasm and Liz's sass too quickly to not understand everything they were saying to her. Even when the pair had first shown up almost two years ago she had known exactly when and how to respond to Hellboy's teasing. 

Of course most of her responses were just violence, but sometimes it was the same with Liz.

“Did you know that most Kaiju, not Lady she’s too small, but most of them do develop skin parasites as big as a house cat? I knew a guy who found a way to keep them alive with ammonia. Cool guy. Shoved a knife up my nose once. Had great shoes.” 

Manning intercepted the conversation, babbling a mile a minute while Hellboy made his way past the rushing agents. 

“I know you dream of the outside world, but it’s not that great. It’s savage. Bad! But these,” he waved cigars in front of Hellboy’s face, causing him to stop short, “these are good. And they can be yours! A whole box of them. You just need to be…um…” 

“Discreet.” Abe supplied as he scurried past. 

“Discreet!” 

“I can be discreet. “ Hellboy said. “Like a shadow. A shadow in the night. A dark, night shadow.” 

He plucked the cigars from Manning’s hand, turning in time to catch Lady lumbering into her private ride. Newt was still curled up on her back, pushing with one arm to keep from hitting the roof of the modified garbage truck. 

He was getting too good at that. Liz had a theory that Newt and Lady practiced yoga. It was the only thing that explained how easily the pair could fit in that truck. 

“C’mon, Red.” Liz snapped, literally snapped in his face. “You’re riding with me.” 

“Better than riding with them.” He snorted, catching the end of Lady’s complicated twist of her tail to ensure she didn’t get stuck in the door again. 

Liz tilted her head at the sight. “Yeah, probably really crowded with Myers in there too.” 

She actually skipped off, the picture of sadistic glee. 

“I’d hate her if I didn’t think she’d get a kick out of it.” Hellboy moaned to Abe who didn’t seem the least bit sympathetic. 

\--

Technically, the communication lines weren’t supposed to be running before they arrived at their destination. But technically didn’t hold a candle to Newt’s airheaded treatment of the equipment. The batteries of his communicator died more often than anyone else’s but at least Hellboy could eavesdrop on the other truck. More specifically on the sounds of pain coming from Myers. 

“You need to move when she moves, dude. Take up the space she’s given up.” Newt’s voice over the communicator was almost breathless, as though trying to not laugh. A sharp crunch and a yelp caused him to burst out laughing. “Poor girl. You’re just bored, aren’t you?” 

He couldn’t make out Myer’s response, nor did he get a chance to make a response of his own as Abe grabbed Hellboy’s communicator, politely reminding Newt that his own needed to be turned off. 

Spoil sport. 

“So sorry. I know how much you like spying on Dr. Geiszler.” Abe didn’t seem even slightly sorry. Freaking rude. 

“Just making sure Myers is behaving.” Hellboy lied smoothly. At least it sounded smooth to his ears. Both Abe and Liz where stifling laughter so he might not have been as smooth as he hoped. 

“It’s weird how focused you are on Agent Myers. Just, so weird.” Liz mused as she loaded her gun. Her backups were already loaded and in a neat line, reminding Hellboy that they were only minutes from their destination. He could start preparing for whatever strangeness was waiting, or he could go back to pestering Liz. 

Hopefully nothing jumped at him as soon as they arrived. 

More specifically he hoped Lady wouldn’t jump on him as soon as they arrived. She got rambunctious when she finally got to play outside. 

Their arrival was uneventful, if one ignored the sight of Myers being shoved out of the way while Lady made a dramatic entry. She was polite enough to wait until Newt slipped off her back before shaking, much like a dog dislodging water. Her tail whipped around a few times, threatening to take out the agents mulling around, but they had all been waiting for it and dropped at the appropriate time. 

“We’re ready for you upstairs.” One of the suits announced. 

Upstairs was, not surprisingly, a complete mess. 

“And I thought your room was bad.” Newt whispered to Hellboy before running after Lady.

The Kaiju had started sniffing the ground and knocking at the walls with her heavy knuckles. All the while Abe scurried behind her, scanning the area with devices Hellboy had never bothered to learn the purpose for. 

The whole place was a disaster, the walls crumbling and relics shattered all around. The lack of light wasn’t helping anything, nor was Myers as he kept to Hellboy’s side, occasionally groaning from a smell or sight. 

“Wanna wait in the truck, Myers?” 

“No. I want to know where all the people are.” 

“Dudes, I am getting some weird signals.” Newt said. He scurried closer to Abe, showing off whatever it was that had spooked him, in turn setting Abe searching through one of his books. 

“Red, we have company.” Abe announced. “Burrowing creatures. Many. There are no corpses, because there are no leftovers. Have you noticed the floor?” 

“Aw crap.” 

“Precisely.” 

“Gross.” Newt groaned. “Lady, don’t lick that. Don’t lick that!” 

“Damnit, what are these things?” 

Abe was already flipping through one of his books and in record time produced a hard to pronounce name, quickly followed by the less threatening translation. “Tooth Fairies.” Hellboy was already laughing, cutting off only when Abe began describing their eating habits. Namely the habits that would result in a name like that. 

“Double gross.” Newt groaned, tongue swiping over his teeth nervously. 

A loud groan came from behind Newt, the wall buckling out and cracking. Lady pulled him back with one heavy paw, until he was stuck under her belly. All the while she snapped her jaws at the wall, tail whipping from side to side. 

“Guys?” Newt called.

“We got one.” In the other room Myers had his gun trained on a fairy, which was completely uninterested in him. It had started digging through the mess on the floor, hunting for a tooth and happily chewing on it. “It’s…almost cute.” 

Cute didn’t last long when the thing began chopping its wicked teeth and flying straight for Myers. He fired his gun, managing to catch the lower half of the fairy’s body, forcing it to the ground. As though summoned hundred more began rushing their group, swarming the agents and making every attempt to eat anything that moved. 

“Crap!” Hellboy bellowed, shaking two off his tail. He could barely make out Lady’s shape from the other room as she began smashing anything that got close. “Lady! Put him somewhere safe!” 

Both Lady and Newt turned to Hellboy, one perking up as the other slunk down. “No, no, no.” 

The Kaiju didn’t let him finish, unhinging her jaw and scooping Newt up, swallowing him even as he screamed his disagreement. The first time she had been cleared for a mission they ended up swarmed by mummies who made every attempt at killing Newt. One shrill, and later declared by Newt to be also be manly, scream and Lady ended up swallowing Newt, regurgitating him after the danger had passed. Newt thought it was disgusting. Hellboy thought it was brilliant. 

Newt had once shared that it was that same technique that had saved his life when he first fell through the Kaiju dimension, and it was Lady who helped his body readjust after being so deep in the ocean and without her the pressure would have easily killed him. But, he had added while sloshing beer over Hellboy’s leg, that didn’t mean he was fond of being swallowed whole. “Feels too Fraudian, you know?” 

And while he knew it would result in being chewed out later it was better to worry about that than worrying about the little bastards chewing him up. Though with one less target the fairies seemed to be congregating mostly on Hellboy. 

“Rude.” He growled, smacking a few out of the air. 

Behind him Myers had joined up with Abe, the pair making a dash for the vault. One of the fairies had bitten onto Myers’ ear and seemed close to taking a whole chunk off. Abe didn’t seem to be doing much better, but despite the crowd of fairies at the top of the stairs the two rushed upwards. Even Lady stopped crushing anything in her path, instead lumbering out of the room. Though she did pause to occasionally slap a more determined fairy into the wall. He only had a moment to ponder their escapes before he realized the room was getting hot. 

Really hot. 

“Liz?” 

The flames were gathering around her, growing higher and hotter and when she turned to catch his eye he knew things were about to get painful. 

“Get away from the window.” She hissed. 

But it was too late, the flames were too fast, and he just hoped he’d fall onto Manning. 

It seemed fitting. 

He ended up falling onto a car, which hurt more than he’d ever admit, but the look on Manning’s face was well worth it. 

\--

It took an hour before Lady regurgitated Newt, who bore a striking resemblance to the first time he and Hellboy met. Despite the urge to rush to his televisions, the news reports had to be coming in by now, he waited while Newt was gasping for air and slapping away Lady’s concerned paw. He did allow Hellboy to pat his back, only stopping him when he noticed the cuts Hellboy had gained in the scuffle. 

“How bad was it?” He finally asked between pulling off his ruined shirt and tossing it at Lady’s face. 

Hellboy didn’t respond, too busy tracing over the detailed tattoos that covered all of Newt. As easily as he showed off his arms it was rarer to see the chest piece which, as of a year into his arrival, he was still expanding. Hellboy allowed one finger to trace over the swirls of yellow before returning to rubbing Newt’s back, refusing to meet his eyes when the scientist stared him down. 

“It was annoying more than anything else. But Liz fire bombed the bastards.” He shrugged before laughing. “Oh, and she blew me out a window and onto a car.” 

Newt’s jaw dropped before he snapped his attention to where Lady was growling in a manner he repeatedly referred to as pouting. “Did they…” 

“No! No, no. They got her back to the truck. No one saw her. It’s all good.” 

Newt slumped forward, breathing a little deeper. “Thanks. And hey, good news about you falling on that car. Kind of. I mean you’ve always wanted people to know about you and, oh wow you probably fell in front of all those cameras.” 

“Yeah, I was going to check out the major stations. I’m sure Manning will be around to chew me out for it later, but you wanna catch the news before he shows?” 

“Let me grab a shower first.” He turned to Lady who perked up noticeably. “And get her a steak or something. She kind of did save my life.” 

The metal floors began shaking from Lady’s tail thumping excitedly. 

“Just don’t tell her I said that. She’ll get a swollen head.” 

Hellboy chuckled, slapping Newt on the shoulder just short of heavily. “We’ll have a party in my room when you’re done cleaning up.” 

Newt waved him off. “I’ll bring the chips.” 

The news reports had already started by the time he made it back to his room, as had the late night monologues. Abe and Liz joined him minutes after he sat down, both choosing to pace instead of sit. 

“This is great!” 

“This is awful.” Liz shot back. “They’re staring.” 

“They think you’re cute.” He gestured towards one of the screens which said as much. 

“Which you totally are.” Newt agreed, sliding in beside Hellboy and snatching one of his half eaten Baby Ruth bars. His hair was still a wet mess and he hadn’t bothered to find a new shirt, forcing Hellboy to choose between staring at Newt’s chest piece or watching the broadcasts. Reluctantly he turned back to the screen, just in time to catch Manning being interrupted in the middle of his cover up. 

Both Hellboy and Newt burst out with laughter when Hellboy exploded through the window. Both gasped for air when the camera focused on the dumbfounded expression on Manning’s face. But only Hellboy kept laughing when Manning appeared by their side. 

“You’ve murdered me.” He said. 

Hellboy didn’t look away from his screens, even when Manning placed himself in front of them. He barely looked up as Manning explained the many way in which Hellboy had, more or less, ruined him. But he did look up when Manning announced the upcoming arrival of a new agent. 

“Awesome.” Newt cheered. “Love a new face.” 

“We don’t need a new guy.” 

Manning tensed. “Obviously we do.” 

And with that Manning marched off, at least until he came to the wall that was Lady who refused to budge from where she was allowing Hellboy cats to climb on her. The awkward shuffle around her ruined Manning’s air of distinguished disgust, but his words still lingered behind. 

“A new guy.” 

“Someone to keep an eye on you.” Liz said as she made her way out the door, smiling when Lady moved aside for her. “Try not to scare this one off too soon.” 

“I’m not that scary.” 

Abe was smart enough not to say anything, and Newt was too engrossed in the news coverage. It was probably for the best. 

\--

It didn’t take long for the boys in Washington to rush their new arrival to them. By Hellboy’s count it was less than 48 hours, but he’d also been asleep for most of them. He only managed to wake up in time for the new guy’s arrival when Newt sent Lady with a wakeup call. 

Lady’s idea of a wakeup call turned out to be pulling him out of bed by his tail. 

When he arrived at the lift most of the other agents had already gathered, some whispering quietly but most watching for the new arrival. He pushed his way through easily, settling besides Liz before noticing that Myers had wormed his way next to Newt. As subtle as a brick to the face he slid next to Newt, nudging Myers away. 

So damn subtle. 

“Not here yet.” Liz announced, casting a smug look his direction. 

“Looks like he’s quite the big shot in Washington.” Manning muttered into a folder. “Name is…Johann Krauss.”

“Johann Krauss? Sounds German.” 

Manning held the folder out of Hellboy’s reach, still rambling off facts about their newest arrival while Hellboy, honestly, pouted. 

“Krauss.” He said, turning to Liz. “I don’t like Germans.” 

Newt bristled next to him, and across the room Lady perked up and mimicked the action. “You don’t like what now?” 

“Don’t like Germans.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” The scientist had completely turned at this point, no longer watching the lift. 

Hellboy shrugged awkwardly, bumping into Myers completely by accident. “I just don’t like Germans.”

“Like all Germans? Dude, seriously?” 

“They make me nervous. Why does it matter?” 

Newt’s face turned red. “Are you really that stupid?” 

“Do you need to ask?” Liz chuckled before waving them both shut. During their bickering the lift had started its descent. 

Manning glanced up from the folder finally, finishing with an awkward, “A nice…open face.” 

“What face?” Newt asked, unable to hold back. 

Their newest agent was, judging by everyone’s expression, not what they had been expecting. But he strode forward easily, in what Hellboy assumed was meant to be a vintage diving suit, and bowed with a flourish. 

“Johann Kruass, at your service.” 

If the name wasn’t a hint the accent gave it away. Definitely German. 

“I like him.” Abe said, looking too pleased for Hellboy’s taste. 

Manning rushed forward, accepting the newcomer’s hand and shaking it excitedly. “Director Tom Manning, and it is a pleasure. We’re all very excited to have you join our team.” 

“The pleasure is all mine, I assure you.” The helmet turned to scan the room, lingering a little too long on Hellboy. But he bypassed him to bow before Liz. “Wonderful to make your acquaintance. Would I be wrong in assuming you are Elizabeth Sherman?” 

“I am.” She said dully. “You already know us?” 

“I took the liberty of reading through your files. Very interesting, though some are very short.” The helmet turned towards Hellboy and it took him a minute to realize he was trying to peer around him. “Dr. Newton Geiszler, I presume.” 

Newt slid around Hellboy’s bulky form and extended his own hand. “Hallo, Herr Krauss. Wunderbar, Sie kennenzulernen.”

The suit seemed to stiffen for a moment before relaxing, the handshake becoming more informal and friendly. "In Ihrer Akte stand nichts darüber, dass Sie Deutsch sprechen. Das ist eine Überraschung. Eine angenehme Überraschung."

“Ich bin in Berlin geboren, habe aber in New York studiert. Hoffentlich bin ich nicht zu eingerostet.” He laughed warmly as Krauss clapped him on the shoulder, already being pulled away by Manning and a few other agents. With the room clearing Lady took it as permission to slink next to Newt, nudging him towards the door. 

“What was that?” Hellboy choked, trying to block the path as best he could against a determined Kaiju. 

“My mother tongue.” Lady, having grown tired things interrupting her dinner time grabbed Newt by his collar and casually stepped over Hellboy. Even while dangling from her teeth like a kitten Newt tried to keep his cool, and his temper, which any other time Hellboy would have found impressive. 

“You never said you were German!” 

Newt turned as best he could, his shirt bunching up awkwardly and showing off his belly, ruining any seriousness he was aiming for. “You never asked!” 

And with that they were gone, leaving Hellboy to stare while the other agents left. 

“Crap.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations (Edit: THANK YOU IKCHEN FOR CORRECTING ME YOU ARE WONDERFUL AND I SUPER APPRECIATE IT)
> 
> "Hallo, Herr Krauss. Wunderbar, Sie kennenzulernen.” - "Hello Mr. Krauss. Wonderful to meet you."
> 
> ""In Ihrer Akte stand nichts darüber, dass Sie Deutsch sprechen. Das ist eine Überraschung. Eine angenehme Überraschung."" - "Your file said nothing about speaking German. This is a surprise. A pleasant surprise." 
> 
> “Ich bin in Berlin geboren, habe aber in New York studiert. Hoffentlich bin ich nicht zu eingerostet." - "I was born in Berlin but studied in New York. Hopefully I'm not too rusty." 
> 
> And a secondary thank you to Ikchen for correcting me!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annnnd, only a month later than I was originally hoping. Good job me. Speaking of jobs, I have one. Relatively recent thing. Full time and a killer of free time, which is the excuse I'm going for to explain why this chapter is so late. Firstly a huge thank you/shout out to LittleAlternativeGirl for inspiring this first Hellboy/Newt interaction. And a double thanks for also forcing me to finally script out what Lady looks like. It's in the comments for the last chapter if anyone wants to see my attempts at describing her. And a giant thank you for everyone that's left kudos and comments. I'm a sucker for comments and I appreciate all of them so much. And feel free to ask things, cause I will try and respond if I can. I promise, I'm more scared of you than you are of me.

Dr. Newton Geiszler was, if he said so himself and he often did, a passionate person. His nature was just meant to run hot and he had come to terms with that a long time ago. Probably back when he was five and his mother left him, “oh, just for a little bit dear, now be good,” in the care of his uncle who by nature also ran hot. And together they very nearly ran themselves into an early grave. 

His earliest memories of his childhood usually circled back to building a car from the engine outwards, or stomping through a river in soaked shorts and rain boots in an attempt to find salamanders and interesting bugs. And it was little wonder that K-day was both the worst and best thing to ever happen in his life. 

Sitting in his dorm at MIT, watching the news footage on a TV worth more than he’d brought with him to school (thank god for wealthy roommates with parents who used money in place of affection) he had watched the horrors Trespasser brought with him and all he could think about was how could a creature that massive exist without collapsing under its own weight. 

He had switched majors four hours after Trespasser was killed, only because it took him that long to drag the registrar away from the celebrations. 

And he hadn’t been surprised when people began giving him funny looks. That was even before the tattoos. He hadn’t even been surprised when the insults started. The day someone threw an egg at his head he had honestly just been impressed. Mostly because they’d been on a bike so their aim was mostly luck. 

Because most people didn’t understand what it was like digging into the flesh of a monster and finding its secrets. There was no greater power than understanding what made something else powerful. 

Of course saying that in front of people who were paid to kill the monsters usually got him dirty looks so he had learned to, mostly, keep those thoughts to himself.

But in the bureau he was just another scientist (and engineer, and occasional doctor, and yes he meant the medical kind this time) and when he gushed about the practical applications of Lady’s thick scales he wasn’t met with disgust. He was barely met with attention! He was, quite possibly, the more boring member of their scientific community if only because there wasn’t any sign that a Kaiju would be emerging from the ocean for at least another five years. 

Not that he wasn’t the most interesting of the scientists, because honestly most of them probably spent their days off watching paint dry. 

So really, he should be happy. A lab where people let him tinker around in exchange for his pet Kaiju beating up random monsters. A pet Kaiju with just enough lingering hive mind that they could feel echoes of the other’s emotions. Access to some of the coolest and weirdest things he had ever seen. 

“I’m just saying it’s weird how unhappy I am when you look at all the factors.” 

His yelling was most certainly audible over the sound of the emergency hose which he had long ago converted into a shower. But it was probably only barely audible over the German punk rock he’d been blasting since Lady, none too kindly, dropped him onto the couch in a mess of rumpled clothes and Kaiju drool. 

With orders to meet up in another lab in an hour Newt had plenty of time to shower, work on the odd project, and vent to his baby girl who seemed more interested in chewing up some scrap metal Hellboy had brought her a while back. 

Ugh. That was it of course. The whole reason his skin was itching under the spray of cool water. 

“Germans make him nervous. I’ll make him nervous.” He grabbed a towel that hadn’t yet been damaged by the chemical residue Lady left just about everywhere she drooled, drying off with a flourish and shamelessly wandering his lab in search of something clean to wear. “Make him so nervous his tail will fall off.” 

Lady looked up, her own tail slamming against the ground with excitement. 

“No you can’t rip his tail off.” A sound like crunching echoed in his ears. “And you can’t eat his horns. They’re mostly grounded down anyways. Bet they taste awful.” 

He finally pulled an overly large but mercifully clean shirt out from under his desk, figuring it was more than enough for bumming around his lab until Dr. Krauss gave his briefing or whatever. Lady gave him a harsh sniffing as he walked by, filling his own nose with the phantom smell of smoke until he almost gagged on it. 

“Am I wearing his shirt?” 

Lady rumbled in a parody of a proper laugh. 

He groped for the bottom of the shirt, somehow using that to confirm it wasn’t one of his normal bumming around shirts. None of his shirts reached his thigh, so it certainly wasn’t his. He could remember how he got the shirt too, a slightly tattered and off handed gift after Lady regurgitated him into a fountain following a chase through an empty park. Newt had thought at the time it had just been so Hellboy wouldn’t ruin his own shirt while rough housing with Lady, the pair both still wound up after chasing giant bats that had been picking off stray dogs. But he had never asked for it back, and Newt wasn’t in the habit of chasing the big guy down just to return laundry. 

Although he was in the habit of overreacting. 

“Hates Germans!” He yelled, throwing random formulas written on take out menus. “You know for a demon living in New York, guy can be a little racist.” 

If Lady could have rolled all her eyes she would have. 

As best he could without upsetting her nest, Newt climbed onto her back with a notebook and a pen clenched in his teeth and one hand trying to hold down the edge of the too large shirt. Once comfortable he began his unending attempt at recreating Hermann’s formulas. He had thought of the original Ass Kicker as his baby but less than a month separated from his lab partner it was obvious how much work Hermann had dedicated to the project. 

Lady growled under him, causing him to wiggle in retaliation. 

“I just worry about the dork. Who’s going to teach his little girl how to be cool if I’m not around?” 

She growled again, a little louder. 

“Who’s going to make sure he doesn’t stay up all night working on silly math junk? Who’s going to tattle to his wife when he sneaks a cigarette?” 

Lady huffed, tail thumping impatiently against the ground. 

“Yeah, I just miss him. He’d be really great right now.” Newt put on his best ‘Hermann’ impression, making sure to screw up his face in the same constipated expression his sometimes best friend wore around him. “’Who cares what the brute says. We have better things to worry about than demons and nationalism. We have to recreate the portal so you can try to kill yourself again you idiotic man. Harrumph.’” 

Under him there came a great shaking, which he chose to meant Lady was laughing. She probably thought he was hilarious. 

And then came a sadness. He couldn’t tell if it was hers or his but it was still there. It was odd, whatever they shared. It came and went and some days he was all alone in his head and she was alone in hers but sometimes he could see the masters creating monsters behind his eyes and he knew she could see the river where he caught a trout with his bare hands. He could feel her origin, not a birth by any means, how tiny she was to her brothers and sisters and she could feel him, impossibly small next to Otachi as she sniffed him out and the fear that he was going to die alone in a shelter full of strangers. 

“Hey there, pretty girl.” He sighed, resting his cheek against the crown of her head. “At least if we’re going to be lonely, we can be lonely together.” 

Before they could get too deep in their pouting something thundered against the lab door. Something like a stone fist. 

“Goddamn.” 

“Newt, I know you’re in there. Don’t even have to answer, just listen.” There was a strange pause. “Please.” 

Lady growled but he shushed her with a tap to the head. Whatever was coming next was either going to be the worst thing he had heard or the funniest. 

“Look, what I said before…that was stupid. Really stupid. And I don’t hate Germans. I’ve known Germans. Nice ones. I guess. I don’t really care for Russians either but I knew this cool one once. He was dead but still.” 

Newt rolled his eyes behind his glasses, wishing there was a way to project that through the steel door. 

“I know we haven’t really shared a lot, and so I’m going to. Share. With you. It’d just be nice to do that knowing you were there by yourself and not with like Liz or Myers.” 

It took some hopping and a rather impressive jump but he managed to get to the door before Hellboy made more of an ass of himself. “Don’t hurt yourself or anything.” 

“Hey, you are in here. I was just guessing.” His smaller hand settled on Newt’s shoulder, as though to keep him in place and Hellboy took a very deep breath. “I was summoned by Nazi soldiers during World War II while they were trying to make this stupid weapon. Also I spent most of my formative years during the Cold War so I don’t hate Germans, or even Russians, or anything I just…am stupid…and…and…are you wearing my shirt?” 

Newt looked down. And back up. And down again. 

Shit. 

“Okay this has been a good talk I totally forgive you see you at Krauss’ thing go away now.” 

He would have felt bad for slamming the door in Hellboy’s face but he was too busy feeling like a pervert. His face had heated in record time and he was probably almost as red as Hellboy. With embarrassment speeding him Newt began digging through drawers rapidly, pushing away books and CDs in his search for his normal button up shirt and too tight jeans. 

“Can’t believe you let me open the door like that!” He yelled at Lady who had rolled onto her back, kicking her legs with amusement. The traitor. Luckily he had found some jeans, though hopping around while attempting to put them on made his scolding her seem a bit ridiculous. “You are just the absolute worst. See if I bring home any lamb leg next time I go to the butcher.” 

She sobered at that, advancing at him almost threateningly. At least it would have been threatening if Newt couldn’t feel her humor. 

“Ah, ah, ah. Just found clean clothes. You don’t get to ruin them just yet.” 

Strangely that she respected, sitting with a huff and eyeing the car bumper she’d been chewing earlier. But play didn’t seem nearly as fun as following her Newt. 

With his normal clothes back on, and his hair quickly styled because otherwise he just looked silly, Newt gave himself a once over in the full length mirror he had propped against a wall. The blush that had taken over his face had mostly gone, except a little left on his neck. Hopefully no one would notice. Or maybe he could pretend he was getting a rash from Lady’s drool. 

Then again considering she swallowed him whole on a regular basis people might realize that was a dirty lie. 

“Okay. Let’s go face the steam cloud.” Newt said, pumping himself up with a little jump before pulling the door open.

And promptly walking into Hellboy’s chest. 

“Red?! What are you still doing here?” 

Hellboy looked up at Lady, who had decided to move right behind her human, effectively trapping him, and then back down to Newt. “Oh. Yeah. I was. I’m going. I was going.” 

As he turned and started marching off Newt cleared his throat. “Going to see Krauss?” 

“Yeah sure.” Hellboy said in a distracted way as he hurried down the hall. 

“You know he’s going to be in Lab 12, right?” He waited for a reaction outside of Hellboy slowing ever so slightly. “Lab 12 which is back this way?” 

He finally did stop, turning completely on heel and walking briskly back the way he came. 

“What a weird guy.” Newt muttered to his pet Kaiju. 

\--

Dr. Johann Krauss was already getting started with whatever his project was when Hellboy and Newt arrived. He barely looked up while Lady squeezed her way into the lab, taking up more than half of the empty space in the back of the lab. Or maybe he did. Newt still couldn’t figure out what was going on there. 

“Hey, you got one of the fairy guys out.” Newt said, leaning over the counter to inspect it. “Nasty little buggers.” 

“Not at all, Dr. Geiszler.” Krauss corrected. “This little one has been through much. Sold on the black market. Starved. Smuggled. Abused.” 

Manning nodded understandingly before startling as Lady tried to lean over him for a closer look. 

While Manning attempted to suck up, and while Krauss began whatever smoke related witchcraft he was doing, Newt shuffled a little closer to Hellboy with a none too subtle cough. 

“Thanks. For before. With the whole sharing. I mean, we don’t really do the heart to heart thing and it was,” he turned, looking right into Hellboy’s bright eyes and feeling his throat threaten to close up in a way it hadn’t since puberty, “was nice.” 

“Glad you’re not mad.” He muttered. 

“Oh, I’m still mad. Still appreciate it. Two years we’ve worked together and I didn’t even know how you got here. Just makes for a less trusting environment.” 

“Less trusting? You never told me you were German!” Hellboy hissed, leaning closer to Newt’s ear and making his neck heat up again. 

“It’s in my file!” 

“No it’s not! Your file is literally ‘Newt Geiszler opened a wormhole in 2026 and got eaten by a giant monster who’s now kind of his pet and also he has six doctorates.’ Nothing about Germany.” 

Newt gave him a strange look. “Did you memorize my file?” 

“It’s a short file.” 

“Gentlemen!” Krauss huffed. “Perhaps some attention to the matter at hand? Our little friend is waking up.” 

Sure enough the fairy had started getting back on its legs, all of them, and was clicking in a way that was either angry or hung over. Finally it regained its barring, more or less, and began to direct its yelling at Hellboy. 

“Hey, you chewed the tip of my tail off you little creep!” Hellboy yelled back.

“Weird that you kill them and they still hate on Red.” Newt whispered to Liz who grinned like she’d been complimented. 

The fighting, which bordered on childish even before Krauss began translating the fairy’s insults, was entertaining. Enough so that Newt wished he had brought a camera. But eventually Krauss cut them off to turn to the original matter, like where the little guy had come from. 

“He heard a distinct troll language at the last place his cage was opened. The Troll Market!” Krauss said, clapping his hands together. 

“Which no one’s found.” Liz added. 

Hellboy rolled his eyes, thrusting a finger at the fairy. “That’s cause it doesn’t exist.” 

Of course the little bugger chose that moment to die a, if Newt was being honest, dramatic death. Even Lady seemed interested in the fairy’s dramatics, nudging Manning out of the way to sniff at the corpse as it returned to its death. Krauss took it all calmly, reclaiming the ectoplasm that had given the fairy life again as though it was any old day in the office. Which, Newt realized, it kind of was. 

His stomach rumbled in a strange way, almost like phantom hunger. 

“Lady wants to know if she can eat it.” 

It was strange how common that feeling was for him anymore.

He was kind of glad Krauss didn’t have a face. He’d hate to think what it would have looked like at his request. “Maybe later, Dr. Geiszler.” 

“Cool. Hey, later he said!” Newt yelled, hitting her chin as she tried to reach her tongue out for the body. “Are we going to go look for that market cause I’m going to have to get her something to eat before we go.” 

Krauss waved them off, which was helpful because Newt wasn’t sure he could identify a nod. “We’ll be leaving in thirty minutes. Have her fed and into her truck by 0300 hours.” 

Anything to get out of the pissing contest Newt could sense coming. Lady was polite enough to squeeze out the door first, allowing Newt to crawl up her back and ride just behind her shoulder. It wasn’t as though he couldn’t walk in front of her, or even behind her. It was just so much cooler to ride on her back. 

“I kind of like him.” Newt said to the question Lady hadn’t technically asked. “Little weird but that comes with the territory.” 

Lady hunched through one of the doorways, low enough that he wouldn’t get hit, and grumbled something most likely meant to translate unflatteringly.

Technically the freezers were meant for specimens. But technically didn’t have a thing on trying to feed a growing Kaiju. At least Newt thought she was growing. Maybe slowly but he still suspected she had a few more pounds in her before reaching her max. Which was why he kept stores of meat in the freezers, all clearly labeled as “belonging to Newt and Lady, please do not use for experiments.” 

He managed to find a leg of lamb, the complete leg, but remembering his embarrassment and her amusement from said embarrassment, he put it back in exchange for some ribs. As soon as he emerged from the freezer she gave him a look, one that clearly said she knew exactly what he was up to. 

“Leg of lamb is for good Kaiju who don’t make fun of their human.” 

“I didn’t realize there was a standard reward system for monsters.” 

“Hey, Myers!” Newt said, casually throwing the ribs for Lady to catch. “What brings you down here?” 

“I heard we were getting ready to go somewhere so I figured you’d be fueling…er…her.” The possibly older agent (time travel was hard on the brain, even for a genius) gestured towards Lady who was digging into her meal with such relish her tail had started swinging around. Practice and residual hive mind allowed Newt to push Myers out of the way before it could knock him over. “Sorry, is this a bad time?” 

“Nah, she’s just excited. I don’t think she realizes that she won’t get to actually go into the Troll Market unless Red’s in danger.” 

“Yeah…about that. Are you okay?” 

Newt tilted his head in response. “Okay?”

“After Hellboy said those things about hating Germans, well, you looked really mad.” 

“Oh.” Newt gagged. “You saw that.” 

“I was standing right by you when it happened.” 

The scientist shrugged, leaning against a wall less for support and more to look cool. Fidgeting never looked cool. “He came and explained it a little. Not that he hates Germans, but that he had a bad experience with some and…Okay yeah it’s kind of dumb cause Kaiju destroyed most of the Pacific Islands and I don’t hate Lady.” 

Myers wrinkled his brow. “I don’t think that’s the same thing.” 

“Yeah, you’re right. But the point is I’m not mad anymore.” He glanced down the hall in both directions. “Just, don’t tell him that.” 

“Sure, sure. Well, be safe out there.” 

“You’re not coming with?”

Myers waved a light cast which Newt realized he hadn’t noticed before. “Damn, I’m a crappy friend.” 

“Just a sprain. I’ll be back on the field in a few days, so don’t get in trouble while I’m gone.” 

“Yeah cool. Oh, is it the signing kind of cast? I could sign it. Maybe draw Lady for you.” 

Lady perked at her name but returned to her food with a huff when she realized it was nothing important. As she crunched through the bone of her meal Myer’s face paled just slightly, not that Newt noticed. 

“It’s fine. It’ll be off soon. But be careful out there.” 

Newt waved him off, not trusting Lady to behave herself long enough for him to walk the agent to the lift. She wasn’t a wild animal, but she sure liked pretending she was. It wasn’t until she finally licked herself clean, leaving behind absolutely nothing, that Newt realized what a strange conversation he had just experienced. 

“Weird of him to ask about Red.” Newt muttered mostly to himself as he lead Lady to her truck. “Maybe he got a concussion too.” 

\--

The ride to the bridge had been, strictly speaking, ridiculous. It wasn’t being pushed against the ceiling while clinging to Lady’s back like a parasite. That part was almost comfortable anymore. It was having to listen to Manning and his constant gushing about their new arrival in the front seat. A front seat that would normally be where his laptop went so he didn’t have to cradle the poor thing to his chest while Lady fidgeted. 

“Why are you in our truck again?” Newt asked after the third pothole almost made him drop his laptop. 

“Dr. Krauss is in my normal seat.” He said. 

“Totally makes up for almost losing years of research.” The scientist grumbled, as though he didn’t religiously back up his files on external hard drives. 

Even worse was the amount of time it took for the driver to find a delivery platform to back up against. Apparently since he accidently introduced himself to New York Hellboy now had a free pass to park wherever he wanted while Lady still had to stay hidden unless there was an emergency. 

Absentmindedly Newt wondered if his irritation belonged to him or to her. 

When they finally found a suitable location Newt ignored the order to sit with Liz and help with the surveillance so he could instead vigorously scratch Lady’s back. 

“I know you want to go play but people might not be as nice about you as they are with Red and Abe. I don’t want them hurting you.” 

Lady’s short snort told him exactly how much she worried about that. 

“For my sake of mind then. Big scary people running around the city. Not safe at all.” 

“Are you baby talking to a giant lizard?” 

Newt startled so suddenly his head slammed against the roof of the truck, briefly blurring his vision and not helping when Lady began turning to face the intruder. An intruder who responded to the potential threat by blowing smoke right in her face. 

“Rude, man.” 

Hellboy shrugged, obviously not at all remorseful. “Krauss is running around showing off his new goodies. Figured you’d want in on that.” 

“Goodies?” Newt had to wiggle but eventually he managed to slide down Lady’s back and slip past her to where Hellboy was watching with a grin. “What kind of goodies?” 

“Uh, glasses for seeing the true form of trolls and blah blah. Abe’s very excited about it. Thought you would be too.” 

Lady wiggled in the truck causing it to shake. 

“Don’t need glasses to see how beautiful you are.” 

“Please don’t flirt with her. That’s weird even for you.” Newt wrinkled his nose in mock disgust.

“Like it’s nothing you wouldn’t say.” 

Newt chose to ignore him, instead digging under Lady’s leg for his bag and any other things he’d need while helping Liz. He almost didn’t get free, Lady’s big paw pushing him further back into the truck while Hellboy laughed at his struggle. 

When he finally escaped he caught her sad, glowing blue eyes and would have felt worse if he didn’t know she’d take a nap the second they were gone. 

“Hey, who’s my good girl? Who’s my precious chubby girl? I won’t be long so don’t wander off. You know I’ll know.” He kissed her right on the nose, fighting to ignore the whimpers she made while he closed the door. 

“Literally the exact same thing I said.” Hellboy groaned, puffing away at his cigar and scanning the street to make sure no one caught them walking away from the truck. 

Liz met them halfway, handing him a caged canary and pointing him towards Krauss and Abe before linking arms with Newt and all but dragging him back to their truck. Hellboy’s indignant stuttering was a nice sound, even if it only lasted a few seconds. Newt suddenly understood why Liz was so merciless when she teased him. 

And Hellboy was right. The weirdo glasses whatever they were called were awesome. And totally worth studying if he could sneak one away from Dr. Krauss. Maybe he could have Lady eat one. On accidently. Then again he was impressed each time his glasses survived her drool. Better not risk it. 

“It’s totally cool. And check it out, Red was right!” Newt pulled up the video from Lady’s truck, pleased to find her napping. “No change.” 

“That’s because she doesn’t have a glamour on her. Maybe we could cast one to make her look like a dog.” 

Manning perked up. “Do you think we could?” 

“She’s way too big to pass as a dog. Even if you change the way people perceive her she’ll still have mass so you’ll have a German Shepard running around that’s actually the size of a jeep.” He trailed off, suddenly interested in the science behind glamours and any change they’d make to a creatures mass. Jaegers were cool but magic just added a whole new level to the science he could play with. “Is magical science an oxymoron?” 

Liz rolled her eyes but in a fond way so he decided she found him endearing. 

By the time Hellboy reported back that they had found the entrance to the market Newt had fallen asleep, lulled there by Manning’s endless chatter and the fact that it was nearly five in the morning. It was easy to ignore the siren call of sleep when running for one’s life but in the relative security of the garbage truck the early hour had a way of sneaking up on him. 

None too delicately he wiped the drool from his chin, groaning loud enough that he almost embarrassed himself. 

“They found the door.” Liz reported. 

“Did they find coffee?” 

“There’s some around the corner that’s not bad. It’s not good either.” She gestured at her own half empty cup which had gotten cold almost an hour before. Out of laziness he just drank that, hoping it came off as cool and carefree instead of, well laziness. 

“Liz.” Hellboy’s voice sounded from the speaker. “You should be here. It’s great.” 

He was quickly followed by Krauss insisting he keep radio silence but neither Liz nor Newt were shocked when he kept talking. 

“This place is great. Hey…is Newt there?” 

Liz gave him a quick look and, feeling like the teenager he’d never stop being, Newt made a sharp gesture in the negative. 

“He went out for coffee.” 

“We gotta get him and Lady here. Maybe for his birthday.” There was a brief pause while Hellboy hissed, probably at Abe to leave him alone. “You know his birthday?” 

“Maybe you could ask him.” 

“Maybe you could and then shut up about it.” 

“I work with ten year olds.” Manning grunted, making his way out of the truck. 

“Hey, Liz, fish bowl wants silence, but…seriously ask him.” 

Liz muted her radio, turning to Newt with a smug grin that he saw on her face way too often. “A trip to the Troll Market sound like a good birthday present?” She teased. 

“Literally the best.” 

He would have been slightly put off by Liz’s laughter if he wasn’t so busy trying to figure out how to drop his birth date in conversation without giving away that he’d been eavesdropping on Hellboy’s conversation. Maybe he could get Myers to say something. 

“Crap, I really am a ten year old.”


End file.
